Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
Coming Out to Friends
Coming out to a friend can be just as hard as coming out to your parents. You may be afraid that you'll damage the friendship, or lose it altogether. On the other hand, your friends may find the news easier to accept than your parents, at least right away. To start the conversation, consider the following openers:
- "We've been friends for a long time and you probably think you know a few things about me. Are you up for a bit of a surprise?"
- "I have something major to tell you and I'm really hoping it won't change our friendship, which means a lot to me. What do you think?"
- [if you think your friend already suspects you're gay] "Have you ever wondered if I'm gay?"
Your friend's reaction may be casual or incredulous, warm or cool - or a mixture of all these things. The best you can do is to reassure the friend that your sexual orientation need not change your relationship, and that you're not going to try to turn the friendship into anything sexual (unless that's what you're trying to do, which is a whole other issue).
Unless you're ready for the world to know, tell your friend you'd like to keep the news under wraps until further notice - but be prepared for the possibility that the news will travel.
Last Modified: September 5, 2006
