Tips and Tools

Tips to Talk to Your Partner About Sex

Sex has always been an essential part of life. Yet, after all this time, men and women still seem to speak different languages when it comes to sex. Men often focus on the physical act of sex - a nuts-and-bolts approach, so to speak. Women, however, tend to talk about sex from an emotional point of view - the caring, sharing and intimacy wrapped up in it.

But in spite of our differences, these days communication is more important than ever. With the advent of HIV/AIDS and the increased spread of dangerous STIs, talking about sex before you have sex could literally save your life. While the cold mechanics of safer sex may seem a bit unromantic, some of the alternatives - embarrassing trips to the clinic, unsightly diseases or even death - aren't exactly sexy either. In the end, whether you practice safer sex is your decision. But whatever you choice, it's a good idea to understand the benefits and risks associated with your decision. You may find this website a good place to find some of that information.

If you do decide to practice safer sex, you may want to bring up the subject with your partner before actually having sex. Usually, the best time to have this talk is before you both get worked up.

If you're a woman, you may want to say something like:

"You know that at some point we may become intimate." "This is what I expect from someone who loves and cares about me." "I want you to be honest about your sexual history - I will be honest about mine." "I want you to wear a condom when we make love."

This conversation may be a little awkward, but most people will understand that you're only looking out for your health and theirs. Also, if you're sure you want to have sex with someone, you may want to use this conversation to initiate sex. Just be firm and prepared, and make sure that you leave yourself an opening to delay or call of sex if your partner is unwilling to meet your requests.

Tips:

• make sure to express your needs from a personal perspective - this will help put your partner at ease
• be clear, honest and open about your desires, your likes and dislikes
• pay attention to your partner's responses, and take his/her feelings into consideration
• If you agree to have safe sex, don't get so caught up in passion that you forget about it later.

Remember, worrying about pregnancy or disease is one of the biggest desire killers, so let your partner know that taking precautions will only help you get into it more...which will almost certainly make it better for them too.

Last Modified: September 5, 2006