Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

What Do You Say?

Coming out is not easy, and there is no "right" way to do it. You might find it easier to be direct, avoiding awkwardness leading up to the moment. You can begin by stating why being dishonest is a burden to you, then briefly and calmly reveal your sexual orientation. For example:

"I want to tell you something personal about myself because I don't like to hide, especially to people who are important to me. I've known since adolescence that I'm gay, and I've been living as a gay person for the past X years. I know the news may be a surprise to you, but I hope it will allow us to become more real with each other."

"I have something important to tell you and I'm really hoping it won't change our friendship, which means a lot to me. It's about my sexual orientation. As you may or may not have suspected, I'm gay. I've chosen to share this with you because I don't think it's healthy for me to hide an important part of myself. If you have any questions for me, I'll do my best to answer them."

Try not to get too upset if someone's initial reaction is negative. Give people time to digest the news. When the time seems right, you may wish to offer to give them gay-positive literature or to put them in touch with support groups such as Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (www.pflag.ca) - but don't push the offer too hard. Gradually introducing them to your gay friends may also help break down some of their fears and stereotypes. If you've come out to a parent, it might help to emphasize the positive aspects of your upbringing so that the parent won't feel guilty about "making you gay."

Above all, be patient. Even people who seem completely opposed to homosexuality will often come to accept and embrace the gay people in their lives.

Last Modified: September 5, 2006